somewhere beautiful.

                It seems like round here, no one knows..

                                 No one knows that there’s more

      Beyond these dead skies and all these filthy streets

                      Take my hand and let me pull you

                                                   Out of the blindness of your weary soul

                                                           To somewhere beautiful

-Sean McConnell

This is one of my absolute favorite songs. Actually I love this whole album "Saints, Thieves, & Liars." But I really love the lyrics of this song. I wonder how many times God thinks "come on, just take my hand and let me pull you out of the blindness of your soul to somewhere beautiful." If only we would let him. The song goes on to say:

Is there any way to learn

         from what you’ve been told

Or do you really have to hold the experience?

                   Cause you could heed me now,and come out clean

                             Trust me, I could spare you the consequence

                                  

                             I can tell by your eyes,
                                         there ain’t no getting through
                         Cause you’re hell bent on doing exactly
                                           what you’ve gotta do
                                     So welcome to a long line of sinners and saints
                                                     Is there anyone around here who ain’t?

Or what about this? How many times do I wish I could've learned from what I'd been told- what I read in His word- and spared my consequences. I just love the reminder that God really does want to lead us somewhere beautiful if we let Him. 

-Lace

what if?

"What if I woke up today with only the things I thanked God for yesterday?" (here)

What if?

Would I have this?

Or this?

Or what about these?

Would I ever get to see this again?

It's just a thought...

But I think I need to become more deliberate about what I'm thankful for. Because when you think about it like this... It makes you notice things a little differently.

-Lace

adoption

I'm sure any of you who know me know how I feel about adoption. It is something that I have always had a heart for. I'm not sure when I first realized the Lord had put a desire in me to have a child from another country, a child who looked nothing like me or their dad. I'm pretty sure I was in middle school, maybe even before. I just never remember a time that I didn't think adoption would be part of my life. Actually when Jacob and I were dating, this was actually a deal-breaker for me. One night we were eating dinner and I just started crying. Of course he was like... oh no, here we go. But I just had this issue on my heart. We had been dating seriously for a while and were talking about engagement. I just wanted to know where he stood. So I told him my heart for adoption and missions and really just told him that if this wasn't something he was on board with, we weren't going to work out. Obviously, he told me I was crazy and that he already knew where my heart was (or why else would he still be with me). And that he wanted those things too. We have gone back and forth over whether we want to try to have a child first, or adopt first. We haven't settled this decision, but we know eventually we will be headed overseas to pick up our child.

And this is why I wanted to tell you guys about this amazing family. They are leaving in less than 3 days to go to the Congo to pick up their two adorable, precious babies. Casey has the most beautiful heart for adoption, and I wanted you to take a peek at her blog, and donate if you can. They have almost reached their financial goal, but need just a little more. If adoption tugs at your heart at all, please give. She has this amazing fundraiser going on her blog. Every month she does  a "Best of Basket" where she features her favorite things. For every $5 you donate, your name goes in a drawing to win these incredible items! Seriously, I kind of don't want to tell you the website just so I have a better chance of winning this "Best of Bundle Up Basket." I'm kidding... but I do want to win! It's such good stuff! So go check out her site, pray for her family, and give if you can!

Jacob and I in Belize with some adorable children that we would've brought home in a heartbeat. (2006)

-Lace

knees + feet.

"Get on your knees and pray, then get on your feet and work." (here)

First week at work. It was really awesome, and for that I am so thankful. But I won't lie, I was stressed quite a bit! I'm super hard on myself. So I'm always second guessing decisions, wondering what someone else thinks of my abilities or knowledge. And pretty much... just worrying. I'm my own worst critic and I can't stand the thought of messing up. And reality is, I will mess up. Daily. Hopefully not big mess-ups, but they will happen. And as much as I loved this week and am so happy I waited for this right opportunity to come along, I have to admit that I was stressed. And I have to admit that instead of praying, I worried. I need to remember this little quote. One of my preceptors during rotations (who is precious, and is about to get married!) told me once that when she started work she prayed every morning "Lord, please just don't let me pick up any chart that I can't handle." I need to start praying this. I need to start depending more on Him and less on me. Because, let's face it, it's really not about me anyway. :)

-Lace

forgiveness.

My biological father and I really never had much of a relationship. He and my mom divorced when I was only a baby. I used to have to go visit him every other weekend. He was an alcoholic, and really just didn't know how to be a father. When I was 2, my mother remarried my stepfather who is an absolute blessing. When I was in 5th grade, my stepfather adopted me, and I never had contact with my real father again. Until I was engaged to my husband. I felt like that part of my life was the only part of me that my husband really didn't know about, so I wanted him to meet my real father. We met up in Dallas and had lunch. I won't lie.. it was awkward and so uncomfortable. But I'm thankful that Jacob now knows.

I am so thankful for my stepdad and the love and support he has given me. But, it is still so hard to grow up feeling like someone who is a part of you (whether you like it or not) just does not care about you. I often wonder if he ever thought about me. Every year on my birthday I wonder if he remembered what day it was. He tried to be a good dad occasionally, but he just didn't know how. He would promise the world, and never once did he follow through. He had 4 other marriages besides my mom, and 2 other children. I had a lot of problems with commitment and trust because of him. I learned to sabotage relationships and not get too close to anyone. It really is an absolute miracle I am happily married. That was definitely the Lord at work in me. Maybe I"ll write another post about my many commitment issues another day.

My father passed away January 2010. I had so much bitterness and anger towards him. I actually took up running and trained for a half marathon just to let out some of the anger. I was so confused when he died because I knew I should have been sad, but I was mad. I was mad that he wouldn't be around for me to prove to him that I could be a good wife, a good mother. I wanted to prove to him that I could keep commitments and follow through. I just wanted to prove to him that I could be what he never could. I wanted to show him that I graduated Physician Assistant school. That I accomplished something - without his help. But, over the last couple years, I have really tried to forgive him. I know there will never be reconciliation because he is not around for that, but I am trying to at least settle this in my own heart. I know I will never forget all that I've felt towards him for all these years, but I do know that today I have a much softer heart toward him than I did a year ago. 

I found this quote here and I think it sums up the realizations I've had over the past few years. It says "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." When I used to ask my mom why my real father was "the way he was" she would always tell me that sometimes people want to be good and do right, but some people just don't have it in them. And you can't hold that against them.She was right. She said he wanted to be a good father, and she believed he was being the best father he knew how to be. He just wasn't that good at it.   

This is really a hard thing for me to talk about. But we discussed the issues of forgiveness + reconciliation this morning in our class at church and I just felt like I needed to share. And sometimes it helps just to get things off your mind. So thank you for listening/reading.

This photo is of me and my stepdad (who adopted me, so technically he's my real dad now!). He is the most amazing father. He's the best thing that ever happened to my mom and I. And I feel sure I will write a post all about him one day soon!

-Lace

desires.

"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here."- C.S. Lewis

 

Nothing satisfies. Nothing in this world at least. How many times have you had that desire to acquire something more, thinking "if I can only get this one thing, I will be satisfied." Sure, maybe you don't consciously think of it that way. But think about it for a second. That thought process really has to be the driving motivation behind always wanting 'more.' If I can just have this one outfit, my closet and my style will be complete (until next week when some new trend comes out). Or if I could only get this dream job I would be fulfilled and serve a purpose (until you get burned out, or it isn't quite the dream you thought it would be). Or what about the whole husband issue? How many girls do I know that think if they could just get married life's problems would be solved? Too many. 

See, none of these things are bad things, but I am convinced that so many times our motivation for them is way off base. I am convinced of that because I know my motivation is off. I thought being a PA was what I needed to be fulfilled because I feel like my purpose in life is to help those in need. And, don't get  my wrong, I love medicine. But you know what? It didn't fulfill me. I'm glad I'm a PA. I'm thankful for my job. I am going to love what I do every day. But it's not my identity. I absolutely love being a wife. I love my husband, but he isn't enough. I can't expect him to be. He is just a man. And even though he is the best husband I could ever ask for, I will still spend my days extremely disappointed with a lot of expectations unfulfilled if I look to only him to meet all my needs. And clothes? come on....do we really think those are going to satisfy? Embarrassingly enough, I think sometimes I do. If you look to this world to satisfy you, it will always come up short. Because you and I were not made for this world. We were made for eternity. And our Heavenly Father is the only one who can satisfy us. So my prayer today is that I will stop looking at the things of this world to meet my heart's desires and start looking to my Savior.

Let's not look to this world as if it's all there is.

He has also set eternity in the hearts of men. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

-Lace

great things.

The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3

Monday night we were at a small group Bible study and we were talking about how God is a promise-keeping God. He never fails, He never leaves us. I just got to thinking about all the ways he has blessed Jacob and I. All the ways he has shown Himself to us over and over  during the last 4 years of our marriage. I could literally write a novel of all the ways he has provided, answered prayer, and just plain loved on us. I don’t know why I ever doubt whether or not He truly cares or is really involved in our every day lives. I have a husband who loves me. I mean really loves me. I have a home and a roof over my head. I have family who loves the mess outta me. I was fortunate enough to get an education and have  my dream job. And I have a God who loves  me so much that He gives me so much more than I need. I am so blessed. 

 .............................................

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. - Luke 12:22-31

-Lace 

How we live our days...

“After the apostle Peter preached on the day of Pentecost, people “were cut to the heart and said… ‘Brothers, what shall we do?’ (Acts 2:37). The first church responded with immediate action; repentance, baptism, selling possessions, sharing the gospel. We respond with words like ‘amen, convicting sermon, great book’… and then are paralyzed as we try to decipher what God wants of our lives. I concur with Annie Dillard who once said, “How we live our days is.. .how we live our lives.” We each need to discover for ourselves how to live this day in faithful surrender to God. ”

This is from a book I read a few months ago called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. This is one of those books that you just don't forget.  It's one that you put down and just have to chew on what you just read for a while. And this particular part hit me. Like a ton. of. bricks. How many times do I read a good book and say "wow, great book. I should live differently." Or, "great sermon. I really learned a lot today." or "amen, that person has an amazing testimony. Let me tell you about their story, it's really cool." There is nothing wrong with a great book, sermon, or story.  But God wants us to have our own story. A story that is all about Him. We need desperately to let Him use US, teach US, and change OUR LIVES. Drastically. I need Him to. So my prayer today is as I start a new job, encounter new people, and have a whole new level of responsibility in my life, I will choose to let Him use me in ways only He can. I choose to respond with actions instead of pretty words. I choose to live each day in faithful surrender. Because after all, "how we live our days... is how we live our lives."

-Lace

Something Beautiful

I recently (as in maybe a few y ears ago) realized that painting/creating new art and refinishing old furniture is therapeutic for me. I didn’t know why, until yesterday as I was painting a cheap desk that was an unbelievable eyesore in our living room. It hit me: this is what God does with me. I’m a complete eyesore. I’m messed up, old, and on most days I’m in need of major refinishing and a fresh coat of paint. God doesn’t see old and ugly. He sees potential. He sees the beautiful, unique work of art that I could be. And although sometimes the sanding and breaking apart can be painful -- and it’s definitely not the most rewarding or fun part of the process-- it is very necessary. Otherwise, the paint and beauty wouldn’t stick. God takes an old, cheap, broken, life and instead of giving up on it and getting a newer model, he chooses to use me. He cleans me up, sands me down, and gives me a beautiful new finish.  I think this is why I enjoy finding ugly pieces of furniture. This is why instead of buying new furniture every time I get bored with the way our living room looks (which is often),  at the Eaton house, we decide to just refinish what we have. We have to be willing to look at everything as if it has potential beyond what is obvious on the surface.

If I wasn’t in PA school, I would probably be sporting dreadlocks and multiple tattoos.. begging my husband to move off to some seaside town and build me a historic-style bungalow with an art studio overlooking the ocean where I would refinish old furniture, create new decorations, and experiment with paint most days of my life.  Since that’s not the life we chose, I’m studying medicine and creating/refinishing/painting during every second of my spare time.

I actually wrote this post last year, with the hopes of one day starting a blog. Or maybe even having an etsy shop.  I think I sometimes need this reminder still. It’s wonderful to hear God speak and then be able to go back later and remember exactly what you felt at that time. That’s what’s great about writing for me.

Yesterday I refinished an old-ish (yea, I know that’s not a word) vanity that my mom got at a garage sale for $15. Which reminds me, I forgot to pay her back. Sorry, mom! I took some pictures of the process that I wanted to share. It really turned out nothing like I’d hoped, but I kind of like it anyway. Or, maybe I’ll just refinish it in a few months. I still need to add some  hardware to it, and recover the bench.  I plan to post pictures of it in a few days. But until then, I wanted to post a few pictures of some other pieces I’ve redone.

 This was a free table I got from my mom. It was in her storage room at work and hadn't been used in ages. It was a dark ugly brown when I got it. It has since been painted black, white, and now this gorgeous Robin's Egg Blue.

 This was a side table given to us by my mother-in-law. It was part of his bedroom set as a child/teenager. I believe this is a true antique piece of furniture. It was a dark brown when she gave it to us. It has now been aqua blue and now this gray. We use it as an end table in our extra bedroom.

 This dresser belonged to my bedroom set as a child. It was an unfinished wood, very rustic. It has now been painted yellow, and now this antique distressed white.

 I got this piece of furniture for $5.00 at a garage sale at a psychiatric hospital. Yep, you heard/read right. I was doing my psych rotation in Wichita Falls Tx at the county hospital and they were having a garage sale to raise money for the hospital. I asked how much the lady wanted for this, and she asked me if $5.00 was too much. I couldn't even bargain with that. I really felt like I was ripping her off. It was an extremely ugly brown, and kind of unstable. I painted it this antique white and distressed it. It now sits as a table in our living room.

 This headboard is part of my childhood furniture too. It looked just like the dresser (above) with the rustic unfinished wood. It has been painted yellow, and now this blue/gray. I am not 100% liking the new look, so look for it to be re-finished in the next few months! :)

-Lace

4.19.11

Went ziplining through the canopy today!!!!! SO. MUCH. FUN! Then we got to see some monkeys, and they hopped on my shoulder! I think they are the cutest things ever! Now we are getting ready for dinner on the dock. One of the neighbors is cooking shrimp linguine! I can’t believe I only have 1 full day left here! I am so excited to see Jacob, but so sad to leave! Tomorrow we are doing a health fair at one of the extremely poor “villages” here.

Some more inspiration from “Crazy Love:”

“Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.” - Tim Kizziar.

“After the apostle Peter preached on the day of Pentecost, people “were cut to the heart and said… ‘Brothers, what shall we do?’ (Acts 2:37). The first church responded with immediate action; repentance, baptism, selling posessions, sharing the gospel. We respond with words like ‘amen, convicting sermon, great book’… and then are paralyzed as we try to decipher what God wants of our lives. I concur with Annie Dillard who once said, “How we live our days is.. .how we live our lives.” We each need to discover for ourselves how to live this day in faithful surrender to God. ”

“Should you put your house on the market today and downsize? Maybe. Should you quit your job? Maybe. Or perhaps God wants you to work harder at your job and be His witness there. Does he want you to move to another city or another country? Maybe. Perhaps He wants you to stay put and open your eyes to the needs of your neighbors.”

As I am getting close to going home, this part of the book really meant a lot to me. Sometimes it’s very easy to do what you feel God leading you to do in a foreign country when that’s your primary reason for being there. Or it’s easy to love people in the third world who you feel actually NEED your love. And when you are in uncomfortable situations and pushed beyond your comfort zone, it’s easier to really listen and lean on God for advice and guidance. But when I’m home, with the people I love and around people who have everything they could ever need and are sometimes unlovable, that’s when I’m called. I’m called to be God’s witness THERE, even when it doesn’t come naturally. Francis Chan also says in his book when talking about the “highs” of life when you feel close to God (mission trip, camp, revival, etc.): “Memories are wonderful, but do you live differently because of them?” I hope I will.

Lace