Tuesday, June 18, 2013

the One you need.

Last night I was talking to one of my favorite friends. We were talking about babies, and planning for families. I am a planner, that's no surprise. I like to know what's going to happen. But having a child has changed some part of that in me. Before I had Jake, it was important to me that my whole life was in order before I brought a child into this world. I had always heard that you "never really feel ready" for a child but I couldn't believe how that could be true. But I can assure you, up until even the morning of my induction I did not feel ready. I cried on my way up the elevator to L&D because I still wanted more time. I wanted more time to get my house ready, more time to spend with Jacob before our whole world changed. Now looking back I see how selfish that was. Now I want more time with my baby. I want him to stay little, to never grow up. And more time to just sit cuddling him every day. I want to make everything perfect for him. I also realize that's selfish too. I know I'm going to have to learn to have open hands with him. To allow plans to be messed up, schedules rearranged. To give him the freedom to grow up, even though I don't feel ready. I love every second I spend with him, and with my husband. I am learning - very slowly - that I have to soak up every minute of life with my boys, and not wish it away by worrying about not having everything planned, perfect, and "ready."

I absolutely love this song, and couldn't imagine putting this into words any better. To me, this is the essence of my "mommy heart." 
"I wish that I could be your everything
Be the one to give you all the things you need 
Sometimes I'm gonna let you down
But there's someone if you just believe
Be your hero like He's always been for me
Darling, Jesus is the One you need."

{mommy & jake}

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