I have loved being pregnant. Tomorrow I will be having our baby boy, and I just needed to reflect on this whole process to hopefully give myself a good perspective on the next weeks to come.
I truly have loved every second on pregnancy. I know some of you hate me now, but hear me out.
I am not just one of those “lucky ones” who has had an easy pregnancy. In fact, I had HORRIBLE morning sickness. Vomited 3-4 times a day. I have contracted everything I come in contact with at work – have had strep 3 times, the flu once, 2 upper respiratory infections, and most recently either bronchitis or pneumonia which ended up in 2 broken ribs. I went to the ER with severe abdominal pain at 20 weeks, and have 6 kidney stones. I have been admitted to L&D for monitoring for blood pressure and have had to see perinatology. I have refused induction 3 times and have nearly caused my OB to have a heart attack.
Do I wish I could still see my chubby little toes? Or take a leisurely stroll around target without getting winded? Sure! Would I have preferred not to have “morning” sickness 24 hours a day for 3 months and vomit in every parking lot in Longview? Well, yea! Is it getting old sleeping on my side, or just not sleeping at all? Of course.
But would I trade any of that? No.
And here’s why.
Before Jacob and I ever even dreamed of becoming parents I made a promise to myself that if that time ever came I would not complain. I would not whine, and I would treasure every second of pregnancy. Why?
Because I know too many good, loving people who never got the opportunity to have children. I have seen their heartache and longing for a baby and I know how blessed I am. I know this was nothing of my control and I am certain that it is a gift to be treasured. So I chose to treasure it. This does not mean I have never complained. I have had a couple of break-downs, I have cried to Jacob that I don’t think I can vomit one more time. But overall, I choose to love it. And I believe that the choice is what has made it fun, and bearable. I went into this journey knowing the possibility of being sick every day for 9 months, gaining a lot of weight, and feeling
And I think that because I told myself that was my new normal, I accepted it
and I really have had fun being pregnant!
I also decided that I would love pregnancy because I never want my child to feel like they took something from me, if even for 9 months. I never want him to feel like my life was somehow better before him. I want him to feel like our lives were made better because of him – even from the time he was in my womb. I want him to know that he is a blessing. And I am earnestly praying that God keeps this in my mind through all the sleepless nights, unconsolable crying, and temper tantrums. I pray that I never take one single day for granted. And I will try my hardest not to complain about “being so tired because my baby kept me up all night.” I know this is a lofty goal, but this is what I am aspiring to. I am trying to accept – even before his sweet arrival – that there will be many sleepless nights, frustrations, and many unexpected crises so that when that time comes I can also accept that as normal and learn to love that process too. I want to find joy in my son, and I never want him to hear that his momma felt anything but love and gratitude for him.
So as I prepare for the birth of my son tomorrow, I pray God keeps all these things in the front of my mind, and that I would always remember what a blessing he is.